Got Milk? Get Lost.

If you were to go buy a coffee and the server asked you if you would “like breast milk with that?” what would your answer be? Well (a) you would probably be highly disgusted at the thought and (b) think the server had lost their mind. By choosing cow milk over breast milk you are subconsciously telling the server that you “would rather drink the chesticle fluid from a big, fat, dirty, hairy animal that goes to the toilet on whoever and whatever is in it’s way (literally – I have witnessed it), but thanks”. If you drink organic, hormone and antibiotic-free milk to bulk up or whatever, I don’t care. But if you drink it for strong bones? Go jump off something.

Dr. Lewis A. Barness once (or maybe a couple more times) said, “cow milk is for calves.” What? It’s not for humans??? My twin sister was pinned against a wall and almost slapped very hard across the face when she told that to a lady who presented with symptoms of dairy intolerance, no word of a lie.

To be honest, I absolutely detest milk. I always have and I thought I was a freak for that. Just like I thought I was a freak for HATING The Lord of The Rings – I walked out of the cinema during part one and up until I sat through and hated every second of The Hobbit 😦 did I realise I was not alone. And not a freak. Just like that stoopid trilogy, society told me that I had to like milk. Being Irish and not liking milk? So uncool. So I thought I was losing out on not drinking milk, and I thought that for about 27 years. Until I began to study nutrition and learned all about dairy.

Did you know that a calf is born with three stomachs? I know a couple of dairy farmers here (in Ireland) and they told me all about their precious cows (cows are treated really well in Ireland. And no, we do not worship them, we eat them). And one really f*cking scary thing they told me was that once a calf is weaned off it’s mothers milk, the stomach that digests the milk shuts down and if it were to ever consume milk again, it would DIE. So why the f*ck do humanoids drink it? Oh yeah we’re eejits.

Contrary to popular belief, cow milk is not a good source of many minerals (for us). Calcium is a mineral, you knew that, right? So that means that the milk you drink to get calcium to build strong, healthy bones…IS PROBABLY NOT A GOOD SOURCE OF CALCIUM. Wake up, here is the important bit, when it comes to calcium absorption, most important is magnesium, which works alongside calcium. The ideal calcium to magnesium ratio is 2:1 – which means you need twice as much calcium to magnesium for absorption. Milk’s ratio is actually 10:1 (Holford, 2012). 10:1!!!!!??? So what does that mean to us? It means that we pretty much cannot absorb the calcium from milk. Hilarious.
For cows, grass provides them with enough calcium to support their offspring. For humans, nuts, seeds and crunchy vegetables provide us both these minerals and calcium in an absorbable way.

It is a long story and I fear I have bored you already, but high dairy consumption, actually CAUSES brittle bones, osteoporosis etc. FML. Milk is acid forming once consumed. Your body is constantly working to achieve a slightly alkaline pH. And as a result, calcium gets leeched from the bones. The highest osteoporosis rates in the world are in the countries with the highest consumption of dairy products (and the highest chesticle and testicle cancer (well breast and prostate actually but I couldn’t resist) rates are also in those countries. Just sayin’).

Milk is after all, designed for young calves, not adult humans. Most of us are not aware that the milk of mammalian species varies markedly in its composition. For example, the milk of goats, elephants, cows, moles etc., show huge differences in their contents of fats, protein, sugar and minerals. Each was designed to provide optimum nutrition to the young of the respective species (Oski, 1996). Each is different from human milk. Cats and humans are pretty much the only beings to continue to drink milk into adulthood, say it with me, cats and humanoids are eejits. And the funny thing is, for a lot of us, we cannot actually digest cow’s milk because we no longer have the enzyme (lactase) to break down the lactose (milk sugar) because WE DO NOT NEED MILK.

Simple question: Why do we drink the milk from another animal when we make our own? Milk that is designed for us? Simple answer. Because we are feckin’ eejits. What the feck is an eejit?

So what should we do about it?

Lift heavy. EAT cows.

Nah, really….

Lift weights.

Eat vegetables.

Eat nuts.

Eats seeds.

Lift some more weights.


Drink……………………………………………………………………… WATER. Yes water has calcium in it. If you are shocked by that read here, if you actually believe me, then don’t bother. And guess what, you can absorb it. A-m-a-z-i-n-g.

Interesting reading:

Don’t Drink Your Milk. Frank A. Oski M.D.

The Optimum Nutrition Bible. Patrick Holford (and if any of you even think of commenting negatively on this guy I will personally hunt you down, pin you against a wall and slap you across the face).

One thought on “Got Milk? Get Lost.

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