Toothpaste can harm your unborn child. Well FML.

I hate adverts, they really do make me want to crawl into a hole and die. I spend more time scolding the television when they are on than I will my own children, when I have some, please God. Just watch a cosmetics advert and see how they try to convince you that what they are selling is good for you. Ha! What they are saying is: ‘Enriched with aloe vera’, ‘made with green tea extract’…but all I hear is ‘blagh, chemicals, blagh, toxins, vomit, b*llsh*t’. When you read the ingredient list on the back of a product, the order that the ingredients appear actually represents the largest amounts down to the smallest, so the first ingredient listed is in the largest quantity. Usually the aloe vera or the green tea extract appear next to last in the ingredients list, after all of the b*llsh*t chemicals they have packed your product full of and then persuaded you to spend your hard earned cash on it.

Do we really have the time to go investigate our toothpaste? For f*ck’s sake. Clearly I have nothing better to do because below is the ingredients list of a well known brand. I picked this up in a hotel recently…and it ACTUALLY SAYS ON THE BOX “if you accidentally swallow more than used for brushing, get medical help or contact a poison control center straight away“. No ways. I nearly scratched my eyes out because I was convinced I was reading it wrong. How could anyone stand behind a product that had that stamped on it? Are they trying to cull the population or something? I literally could not believe my eyes. I thought back to the numerous times when I was in a rush and swallowed a big lump of toothpaste because I did not have time to brush my teeth. I have almost died like ten times already. Yikes.


(On the actual label it says it is a flouride toothpaste, but I cannot for the life of me figure out which one it is – and that again, is a whole other blog). Did you know that almost 90% of ingredients have not been subjected to any sort of safety evaluation. The FDA’s Office of Cosmetics & Colours states that a ‘cosmetic manufacturer may use almost any raw material as a cosmetic ingredient and market the product without any approval from the FDA’. I laugh when I am nervous. That made me laugh A LOT. And you believed microwaves were safe. If you think I am full of sh*t see for yourself by clicking here. In the largest study of chemical exposure that ever carried out on humanoids by the US Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) they showed that most American children and adults are carrying in their bodies more than 100 substances that aren’t supposed to be there (Thomas, 2006).

A couple of years ago I bought a great little book called ‘What’s Really in Your Basket’ by Bill Statham. It explains what’s really in the sh*t on our supermarket shelves. I am only going to explain the worst ones….simply because I could not be arsed going through the OK-ish and safe ingredients. You can look them up yourself if you feel like it.

toothpaste 1

Water – that is a good thing. This product is made up mostly of water. Props to A*******h.

Hydrated silica

Sorbitol Glycerin

PEG-8 – how about we don’t ingest stuff that sounds like it should be on a bicycle? PEG-8 (polyethelyne glycol – it seems according to the manufacturers you should just know what that is) is associated with an increase in wait for it, breast cancer, leukemia and brain cancer. You wash your skin, hair, teeth, clothes, dishes every day (well I hope the first three) think how much of that is all up in you. Just sayin.

Flavor – how the f*ck can you get away with this one. This could be anything. And I have a baaaaad imagination.

Sodium lauryl sulfate (SLS) –  a surfectant, denaturant and emulsifier, SLS is mainly used to create the lather or bubble effect in shampoos and body washes, and toothpaste, of course. But you will also find it in foods and cleaning products. It’s potential side effects range from; skin and eye irritations, dry skin, eczema, mouth ulcers, liver and gastrointestinal toxicity, teratogen (this is really horrifying) a teratogen is ”any agent that can disturb the development of an embryo or foetus. Teratogens may cause a BIRTH DEFECT in the child. Or a teratogen may HALT THE PREGNANCY outright. Jaysus tonight. The classes of teratogens include radiation, maternal infections, chemicals, and drugs.” (Source of definition is  What may also come as a shock is that SLS is also harmful to aquatic organisms. So every time you wash your hair, your teeth, your clothes, your toilet….pretty much every cream, gel or paste you use that goes down the plug hole is not ‘gone’ but off on a journey to go f*ck up some innocent underwater inhabitants’ lives.

Xanthan gum

Titanium dioxide cocamidopropyl betaine – is a surfectant. Is associated with dermatitis, allergic reactions and eyelid rash. Found in soaps, eye make up removers and shampoos.

Sodium saccharin – Yahooooo!! Artificial sweetener!!!! Go read my poison blog.

Iron oxide 

Red 30 – derived from petroleum or coal tar. Mmm…?

When a lot of people have children they go and buy out the Burt’s Bees range in order to make sure their children have the best. Which is awesome. Why don’t you do the same for yourself? There are a lot of healthier options available. Has it not occurred to you that you are just as important to someone else as your child is to you? There are plenty of healthier options out there – and if you are going to complain to me about cost, you can make your own. I’ve done it.

You might say; ‘sure I could get hit by a bus tomorrow‘, but will you deliberately walk in front of it or play chicken with that bus? I doubt it. Then it’s time to make some healthier, safer choices. What has to deal with all of these compounds and chemicals and has the task of trying to get rid of all of this sh*t from your body? YOUR LIVER. And I am sure it HATES you by now.

Glossary of Terms:

Surfactants are compounds that lower the surface tension of a liquid, the interfacial tension between two liquids, or that between a liquid and a solid.

Humectants are used in skin and hair-care products to promote moisture retention.

Denaturant – a chemical that changes the nature or natural qualities of something.

Reference: Thomas, P. 2006. ‘What’s in this stuff?’ Rodale Books. London.

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