It is quite possible that you are an idiot.

Do you train hard and eat well? Do you heat your ‘healthy’ food up in a microwave? If you do, THEN YOU ACTUALLY ARE AN IDIOT. Had the manufacturers named them “radar/ radiation ovens”, which is what they should be called, you or or loved ones may have decided against buying one.

I always felt a bit funny about microwaves, that ol’ gut feeling. So when I started studying nutrition and fell into the world of finding out about all of the SH*T that companies do just to make money, I forced my Dad to give his microwave to a guy who I thought was a total d*ck. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time, but that d*ck thought all of his Christmases had come at once. My conscience panged a little. But not enough. Happy Christmas, idiot.

A few fantastic reasons to f*ck out YOUR microwave oven (sources at end of article):

  1. When you cook food in a microwave, every last bit of it behaves in your body like it is totally burnt, it may as well ALL be jet black and charred. Acrylamide* is created in the process, the same cr*p that comes out of your car exhaust. Mmm…tasty.
  2. Microwaved food tastes bad.
  3. Continually eating food processed from a microwave oven can cause brain damage (WTF) by “shorting out” electrical impulses in the brain. Jaysus tonight.
  4. The human body has not yet evolved enough to deal with wheat, so for f*ck’s sakes  how could it possibly break down the mysterious byproducts that are created in the microwaving process.
  5. By eating microwaved foods over a long period of time, male & female hormone production can be shut down/ messed with  perhaps involved in fertility issues… and maybe that is why 8 year old girls (and some boys)  have b**bs.
  6. The effects of microwaved food by-products are residual within the human body – that means you are causing irreversible damage, so STOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPP!!!
  7. Macro and micronutrients (vitamins and minerals) in all microwaved food can be reduced or altered so that the human body gets little or no benefit, or that our bodies absorb altered/changed compounds that cannot be broken down. So there is absolutely no point in eating healthy food out of a microwave, it is total waste of time.
  8. The minerals in vegetables are altered into cancerous free radicals when cooked in microwave ovens i.e. microwaves are considered to be cancer causing machines!!
  9. Microwaved foods are thought to cause tumours. 
  10. Microwaved food can suppress the immune system as it decreases white blood cells. Do not let a sick person near microwaved food…ever. Unless you hate them of course.
  11. Eating microwaved food can cause memory loss, decreased concentration,  and so essentially, a loss of intelligence. I for one, being blonde, cannot risk this one.
  12. Under the impact of the micro-waves produced in ovens, naturally occurring amino acids have been observed to be changed into toxic forms. Yes, TOXIC!!
  13. Microwaves are thought to cause cataracts and macular degeneration.
  14. In the former Soviet Union, microwaves were actually banned in the late 1970s due to their negative health consequences. The ban was lifted after the fall of communism, in the early 90’s.

But what annoys me most about microwaves? When you assh*les put your child’s bottle of milk inside the microwave, press start, possibly humming with pride to yourself that you are saving yourself all of TWO MINUTES and then put the thing into your babies mouth for them to drink all the sh*t that leached out of the bottle and into the milk. F*ck you. Dr. Lita Lee wrote in the highly esteemed medical journal The Lancet among other things that: “It’s bad enough that many babies are not nursed, but now they are given fake milk (baby formula) made even more toxic via microwaving.”

To be honest, no FDA or official studies have proven microwaves to be 100% harmful, but we all know that these studies can be; limiting/misleading/biased/funded by the wrong side etc. So you can do one of two things (A) wait a few more years to find out ‘officially’ that microwaves suck or (B) do yourself a favour and dispose of the effing thing today.

A few things for you to google:

Norma Levitt: a woman who died when blood for her transfusion was microwaved. Yes a woman died because the blood she received was microwaved.

Dr. Hans Ulrich Hertel: a food scientist, was fired for questioning the effects of microwaving food. And then received a gagging order :(. Seriously.

Microwave sickness [according to merriam-webster]:a condition of impaired health reported especially in the Russian medical literature that is characterized by headaches, anxiety, sleep disturbances, fatigue, and difficulty in concentrating and by changes in the cardiovascular and central nervous systems and that is held to be caused by prolonged exposure to low-intensity microwave radiation.

Some OFFICIAL data/ articles/ just interesting reading to open your mind:

Microwaves And Microwave Ovens  By Lita Lee, Ph.D.

Effects of Microwave Radiation on Anti-infective Factors in Human Milk 

The Sh*t that Leaches into Baby Bottles:

Why did Russia Ban the Use of Microwaves?

The Proven Dangers of Microwave Use

The Hidden Hazards of Microwave Cooking

On cancer:

*On acrylamide:

So do yourself a favour…heat your food up in a pan the old fashioned way, it does not take thaaaat long…

25 thoughts on “It is quite possible that you are an idiot.

  1. couldnt agree more. i havent used one in about 3 years. i didnt have all those super sweet science facts to back up my reasoning though, simply went by gut feeling

  2. What about warming up Black coffee?? If the answer is ” you are idiot” go ahead and say it and I will understand your answer…it would be in loving jest with a hint of truth behind it….

  3. OK I would first like to start by saying thank you!!! This post was hilarious. Everything you said was right on! Secondly I love the way you wright. I too was raised by a sailor and try to spread the good words I was taught. I appreciate good wrighting but more importantly I appreciate Honest wrighting. And your wrighting my friend is that… honest. Keep up the good work.

  4. Just curious what your suggestion would be if real cooked food needed to be reheated at work without a conventional oven or stovetop? Some of us do not have the convenience of leaving work for lunch at home or otherwise.

    1. Hey, perhaps a two top stove/ hob and a pot (not teflon though!!) – not sure what they are called in the US as I am Oirish. Urm, they are around 30 euro so maybe 35 dollars? I have a convection oven with two hobs on top in work that I had to bring in myself…I took the hit and now I can heat my food (and my colleagues) safely.

  5. 1st off microwaved food doesn’t take bad at all. You might be the idiot that doesn’t clean his microwave so maybe your food tastes bad I don’t know. 2nd you have zero factual evidence about what you are talking about, neither does the website you referred to and neither do I. Whose the idiot.

    I think you are just following the fad of the day. Find something that works very good, and is very effiecient for the American family and find some pseudo-common sense way to cut it down and say its bad for your body.

    So not using microwave will add 5 years to your life. Who really cares to live beyond 90 anyways.

    Next time you come up with a bright idea bring some real evidence to the table. Sweet potatoes cooked in a microwave taste great, and for the past 5 years my vitals have never looked better while using the radiation oven. It just so happens that sometimes man made things can be good for man. You probably are going to blog next about how a refrigerator strips all the nutrients out of your fresh food. Good luck on that!

  6. “While X-rays, gamma radiation [though not irradiated food], and even sunlight can cause cancer, microwave radiation cannot because it simply doesn’t pack enough power to damage your DNA,” says Gary Zeman of the Health Physics Society in McLean, Virginia. The Society is a nonprofit scientific organization that promotes radiation safety.

  7. Found this after looking at the Outlaw CrossFit site. Apologies for the length of this post.

    While I agree with point number two, your other points are not based on any sort of science. Acrylamide is a neurotoxin and tumor-causing agent, but when taken orally only at levels about one million times higher than is what is produced during cooking. This is consistent with the fundamental principal of pharmacology which is the idea of a dose-response relationship. Dose-response relationships are not linear, they are sigmoidal in nature. This means that below certain doses there is no effect. Most things that act through receptors follow that model, including acrylamide.

    In fact, all types of cooking produce small but detectable amounts of acrylamide. Baking is similar to microwaving in terms of acrylamide formation, while frying is somewhat better than either–who knew?

    Microwaves do heat differently than conventional ovens, but they do not produce ionizing radiation that would create free radicals. They transfer molecular kinetic energy more through an increase in the rotation and vibration of electron bonds, which dissipates as heat when those molecules collide. Because of this property, you can ‘superheat’ things with microwaves, which makes them useful for chemistry. Like all types of cooking, if you heat many types of nutrients enough, you will inactivate or degrade them.

    There is a good amount of research on the effect of microwaving plastic items and the microwave superheating effect may be the reason why you can detect an increased leaching of phthalates from plastic food containers into microwaved food. It is generally recommended that you don’t microwave food in plastic containers. Use glass or ceramic dishes. Phthalates (plasticizes used to soften plastics during the moulding process) are known endocrine disruptors.

  8. My mom has macular degeneration. For many years she has prepaired food on the counter standing right next to a microwave over mounted over the stove. The Microwave oven is literally 1 ft. from her head. She has been doing this for 20 years. My dad also has cateracks and he does the same thing. Dad is 93 and mom is 87.
    Is it to late to help there eyesite??

  9. Great, you show up to the states with Rudy for a few days, and now I’m the proud owner of a toaster oven that doesn’t drink soda anymore. WAY TO GO. P.S. come back when it’s warmer so we can go on a longer motorcycle ride.

  10. ** Macro and Micro nutrient levels are affected by ANY cooking whatsoever. It is true that one of the B vitamins is directly destroyed by microwaves. However, all application of heat and water/oil in a cooking situation can reduce vitamin, mineral, enzyme, phytochemical, antioxidant contents by huge amounts.

    ** The claim that microwaves affect your memory is complete bullshit. The study was exposing rats directly to microwaves, not their food. All microwaves are sealed and have been that way since almost the advent of microwaves because some idiot sat in front of one and cooked his organs.

    ** Or the claim that microwaves affect hormones. Again this is a study done on rats that were directly exposed to microwave radiation, not their food.

    And as far as the acrylamide goes, if you are going to freak out about this then you should probably stop grilling, reducing, sauteing, stir frying (except for short periods of time and even then), or otherwise doing anything other than lightly heating any food (except boiling). Any process that exposes sugars and fats to high heats (for any length of time) will create Advanced glycation end products which are well documented contributers to increased oxidant stress and inflammation, which are linked to the recent epidemics of diabetes and cardiovascular disease and cancer..

    And don’t get me wrong…I’m not defending microwaves at all and barely use them but I am just making a point that with a small amount of searching I just debunked three of the points you made (and didn’t bother with the ones that were totally speculatory)..

    If you are going to spread alarmist ideas about microwaves at least cite your sources..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s